The End of Brooklyn?

February 27, 2014

In Blog

Feb 27, 2104


Hipster transplants getting beard implants; only $8500.


Where do I begin? I can’t take these out-of-place pod people anymore! Go back to your fucking hometowns and do your beard, art and coffee thing over there! See how they like it – you hipster fucks were never meant to come and homogenize and pussify the great borough of Brooklyn. First let me say that this was the most emailed story to me in the history of my website. Between 10:30am yesterday until this morning 63 people sent me this story. The other day when I did the Beard Font post I wrote: “How many beard stories can there be? It is SO – FUCKING – PLAYED – OUT. Beard art, beard contests, beard oil and now a Beard Font for you to type in?”

Can you believe just 3 days later there is a viral story about Bushpointburg stubble-challenged hipsters getting beard transplants/implants?

beard transplant

How fucking big of a desperate attention-needing douchebag fuck do you need to be to have this procedure? If you can’t grow a beard it wasn’t meant to be. But no – Tristan, Sallinger, Harrison and Brent – who have the combined body mass and strength of Nancy Reagan and Estelle Getty – will stop at nothing to “fit in” during their kidult playcation in Brooklyn. It’s just a phone call away to Mommy for a quick wire transfer of $8,500. Somebody should stand in front of one of these doctor’s offices and greet the wannabe beardo as he walks out with a big cardboard sign that says PUSSY in big bold letters. Isn’t it going to be strange when Hayden shows up to kickball practice, or artisanal pickling class, or to his local gentrification craft ale watering hole and his bearded buddies see his beard when they already knew his inbred emaciated face was incapable of growing hair?

The beard is now a symbol of the effeminate Brooklyn hipster. Not gay, but straight and effeminate. I cringe whenever I see these rent-raising faux lumberjack beardos; and now there will be even more of them?? It blows my mind how Brooklyn’s image has turned from a kind of tough yet loved & forgiving place and melting pot for the world into a place known for adult crafts; over priced and over-hyped food; rooftop kale gardens; $10 latte sipping; and horrific art galleries. Here are some links to this nauseating story; the NY Post comments section is gold and full of some good old hipster hate.