“You have to understand.  I was a lieutenant in the Israeli Air Force.  I used to bomb Gaza. You know, killing Arabs, it’s our national pastime.  Like baseball.  And then, when I was writing my dissertation at MIT, I heard these chants outside my jacuzzi, “From the river to the sea,/Palestine will be free!”  I got these flashbacks to my bombing missions.  I was terrified. It was, like, PTSD.  It was, like, they wanted to kill me just because I’m Jewish. I got all confused and confounded. I thought I was on the MIT webpage.  But it was the Wikipedia page on how to make latkes out of feces.  (I specialize in ‘material ecology.’)  How was I to know the difference?”  As Neri broke down in tears, her husband, William Ackman, took out his AI Plagiarism Detector and pointed the beam at Joy Behar’s notecards. #YouToo(Plagiarize)